Ever since I was a child, I’ve been known to most people as the smart, shy, and kind girl who happens to have the name of a popular singer and actress. I was fine with that until my freshman year in college. During this time, I started to realize how much it upset me that most people thought of me as a goody two shoes who didn’t seem to be bothered by anything or anyone, and I felt as though some people took advantage of that. For whatever reason, I just didn’t want anyone thinking that I was a weak, passive girl. I wanted so badly for others to understand that I experienced all of the emotions– good and not so good– that everyone else felt from time to time.
Fast forward a few years and a few unpleasant situations. I recently experienced a situation that ultimately left me emotionally drained. Long story short, I became a co-worker’s go-to person for personal and political conversations that I simply was not interested in, yet I felt obligated to engage. I blamed myself for being too nice to this person. Why couldn’t I just be indifferent like everyone else and brush the person off? My immediate solution? To ignore the person and keep our convos to a minimum (in other words, say “Good morning” and not a word more). I did this for weeks! Every day I still felt like crap, and I didn’t understand why… until now.
I Didn’t Realize That Happiness is My Default State
I was in the midst of feeling like a rude beyotch when Curly NIkki published an article called “Why I’m So Damn Happy.” I read the article and thought her explanations were valid, but the Taurus in me still couldn’t bring myself to practice what she preached in the post. So I sent my BF the article. He read it, we discussed, I let it marinate, and I finally reached a point where I truly believed I could employ Nikki’s suggestions. Nikki says, “Happiness, peace, bliss… that’s your default state… it’s why feeling crappy, feels… crappy. It’s who you are. Just feel good and watch everything around you (the reflection) mold and shift to the new you.” And she is right! I have my moments, but I enjoy being happy. I enjoy laughing until I cry. I enjoy giving and receiving positive energy. The problem was that I allowed my own insecurities to create a false reality that ultimately made me feel as though my default state needed to be standoffish. Now I understand that I don’t have to be cold to be heard or respected. Words of wisdom from my Yogi tea sum this up pretty well: “Say it straight, simple, and with a smile.”
I Didn’t Understand My Purpose
The other day I was complaining to my brother that I don’t have epiphanies often. Maybe I just don’t understand what an epiphany truly is. What I do know is that a few days after Curly Nikki published her happiness article, Mattie James of Mattieologie tweeted, “Don’t be so busy making your point that you miss your purpose.” Whoa! Slap me in the face, why don’t you. That one tweet immediately put everything in perspective for me. I was so busy trying to show others how “strong” I was that I neglected my purpose. The problem is, however, I didn’t know what my purpose was to begin with, until that very moment. I realized that the reason why I’m known as a kind person is because one of my purposes on this earth is to provide encouragement and positive energy for not only myself but for other people as well. In the past, this felt like a burden and a weakness, but I’m so glad that I view it differently now. There is nothing weak about not allowing situations to get the best of you. There is nothing weak about having an aura that allows people to feel open and comfortable around you. And there certainly isn’t anything weak about choosing to take your happiness into your own hands.
Creating a life that makes you happy is not an overnight occurrence, at least, not for me. I have to surround myself with daily affirmations that remind me of how powerful I am. I also have to remind myself not to dwell on minor situations that don’t matter in the long run. If you can relate to this post, I hope you found it helpful, and if you ever need someone to talk to without any judgments, I am just an email away.
I leave you with these words of wisdom from, you guessed it, my Yogi tea:
What is the hardest lesson you’ve learned about yourself so far?
Tell me in a comment below.